New Chapter in Life

I was going to start a new journal tonight. One of the real paper ones. Not because I've run out of room in my old one. There is some space left. I didn't want to write an entry into one of the really nice journals I have that was a gift from a girl I was romantically involved with either. Nope, today I wanted to start something new. I'm probably still gonna write a bit in the actual paper journal but i do want to eventually go digital.

I feel like I've begun a new chapter in life. As I write this I keep thinking of that song from Gavin Degraw, "Oh this is the start of something good, don't you agree?" In a lot of ways the circumstances of my life are an indication of the a new phase of life. I am finally done with my undergrad and finally starting my masters. I have a new ministry job at Christian Challenge. New Pastor at church. I could even say that the opportunities I am finding myself in for ministry and just new things are markers of change and the start of something new.

For those of you that might read this and know me then this is the part you've all been waiting for: "The indicator for me of this new chapter in my life is a girl." Though this girl is different than girls before. One of the biggest changes is the change taking place in me as a result of knowing this woman. She is different because for once I can say that I'm content having her in my life or not. I'm not afraid of getting rejected by her. That all doesn't make sense but here is the fundamental change I've gone through in getting to know this woman. I have shifted my paradigm from trying to find a spouse that has all these qualities I want for me, to I need to have a spouse with these qualities to partner with me for the task God has given me. The qualities and characteristics I was looking for before were good and biblical. However, the intent and reason for my quest/search was all wrong. I was kind of like one of those guys in a movie that goes on a quest to help someone find something but really all he wants is to obtain the treasure for himself. Later he has this change of heart and gives up the treasure to serve a greater cause than his greed.

That guy was me. A greedy man. But now I see that my intentions and even rationalizations about how I would serve the woman I found to be me spouse masked the essential sin that was in my life. Greed. Everything was about me. In times past I had made an idol of the women I had pursued. Later I had even recognized how I had made them idols, but the root cause didn't lie with them, it was me. I made my desire to be needed an idol.

Somewhere in my search for something good I lost focus and bought into the lie that I knew what was best for me. Moreover, I demonstrated my lack of faith in God. I lost confidence in God's Sovereignty and supremacy. By my actions I was saying that I didn't believe that God and His purpose was sufficient to satisfy the needs of my life. The worst part about all of it is that I had originally started with good intentions searching for something to help me be obedient to God. However, far too often truth is twisted and perverted leading toward a path of destruction. Even good things can become idols. When we focus or prioritize our lives around a created thing rather than the will of the Creator we have created an idol. For me in times past this has been a girl. I shifted the priorities and goals of my life into becoming the dream man for the girl I was interested in. In essence I placed her into a position of primacy. That's idolatry. I was no longer pursuing the Lord!

So back to the issue at hand. Why I feel this is the start of something good and new. Simply this: God has a plan for me and I know it's good.

I know that God has a purpose for my life, He's given me the opportunity to take part in His redemptive work. God has placed me where I am now to grow in character so that I can be ready for a future task. God will provide me with all the resources I need to accomplish the task He gives me. Therefore, I can be content with where I am enjoying the process of preparation knowing that the Lord is a good God. I mean it would really suck if God just handed this gigantic task I wasn't prepared for to me right now. I would surely fail! That's why I am so thankful that God is giving it to me piece by piece, step by step. Growing in Character. Growing in skill. Most importantly Growing in confidence with the Lord Almighty. (Jeremiah 29:11-14)

Finally to close all this out with the girl thing...

I don't have to worry so much about trying to find one or be the right one for some girl that catches my eye. What I need to do is continue striving to be the man God has called me to be, so that I will be ready for the woman God has partnered me with to accomplish His task.

I can honestly say that in view of the call of Christ I'm so not ready to be the man I need to be. But by His grace, who I am isn't dependent on me, but on the power of the Holy Spirit working in me. So if things develop in the future with this woman great. If they don't great. What I've learned just from knowing her is that the task God has given me, I can't do by myself. I'm going to need a partner. I can not nor should I settle for anything less than the partner I need to accomplish the task God has given me. The great thing is that person will also be led to the same task God has given because she's pursing the Lord. And the gifts, talents, and passions He has given us will complement each other. Knowing this woman has given me a greater confidence in the Sovereignty, goodness, and provision of the Lord.